Portland...

This past weekend I visited one of my favorite cities… Portland. While there, I realized there are a lot of things I miss about this great city. I miss living in the city and walking everywhere I need to go. I miss all my favorite coffee shops; especially at those I had become a regular. I miss the green yards, crisp air and cloudy skies. I miss the “Portland mist” and sipping coffee on rainy days while looking out the window at Vivace at various passersby on NW 23^rd. I value my time spent there this past year and believe the personal growth I have experienced has changed me into a person I am proud to be.

But it wasn’t until after I got on the plane to go back to Denver that I realize I truly miss elements of my life in Portland. In the past, I have found myself always missing places in which I was not currently living. While in New York, I missed Portland and then once I moved back to Portland, I missed New York. Now that I am in Denver, I find I miss both Portland and New York. However, I do not think it is a matter of “always wanting to be somewhere I am not”, but rather missing key elements of my life from specific places. I would argue that as we spend our lives living in different places, we adapt to specific habits/routines and learn to expect certain things. When we relocate from these places, we miss the comfort these elements of our lives used to provide.

Therefore, my question is… is there an optimal amount of comfort one place can offer? And, by traveling, does one find significant characteristics of places/people in hopes of incorporating them into their “final destination”. For me, I have found that the quality of people and authenticity of those closest to me (proximity) rank highest among the characteristics of where I want to live. Additionally, at this stage in my life, being close to a city center that offers personal autonomy, allows for an independent expression of my soul. Though these are all things found in many cities, but are they possible in all cities?

Jyndia

Identity

So I have recently entered this stage of really wanting to know who I am. This is in such a different scense than it has been over the past couple years. When I was 21 and 22 I was trying to find out what I stood for. What I really believed in and who I was as a person. Now I am in the hunt for who I am historically.

I am in this time where I am wanting and needing some seperation from my parents. (I feel like we are stuck in a parent-child relationship and need some space). I recently found out that I am mostly German and Scotish with a little Irish. I asked my parents what they knew about our history and they didn't have much to say. This irked me becuase I want to know about my family tree. Who I am is so much more than a child of my parents. There is history and life that got me to where I am today. I began thinking and wondering why i am questioning so much. Here is what I think.. I feel like there is some cool story in my past. Someone who did something awesome with their life. I want to know that I am a decandent from them. I want a new role model. I feel like my parents have always been the people who I have wanted to be like. Of course off and on but it always came back to them. Don't get me wrong they are great people I just don't think I want what they want. I feel like I need to take some other role models out for a spin and see how it feels :o) I have seen so many "Happy housewifes" in my family. I feel like I am different because even though a side of me wants some of that, that is not who I am..... I am not the housewife my Mom is or my Aunt is.

This questioning takes me onto another larger question. Who is God to me? My Father, Lover, Brother, Friend, King??? There are so many names and possibilities but all of these names conjure up different character traits. the worst part about this question is I get the sense that the answer is "YES". All of these things. My brain can't wrap around this because on earth this is not possible. Someone can't or shouldn't be my father, love, brother, friend and king...

Welp..thats all for now.
Jenn

Hopes and Fears

Hey guys...

Last night I wrote out some thoughts regarding hopes and fears. Thought I would be the first to share them on this awesome blog! Thanks so much Jenn for putting this together. Love you girls!

I think for our generation, fear is a term that is both common and yet foreign. Eight years ago, on September 11^th, our country was “rocked”. Faith was shaken, certainty thrown out the window and as a result, we, a nation that once prided its young self on being indestructible, awoke to a new reality of fear. The truth is, fear penetrates our daily lives in ways indescribable and too often leaves us changed. For me, fear dominated the majority of my childhood in ways that have left me scared and broken. The damage that was done due to the absence of certainty completely changed me. Yet, I would be lying to say the presence of fear has not made me stronger. My story is no different than many people at TNL. “I was once lost, but now I am found, was blind but now I see.” I am just a girl...a girl who strives to be known but is scared to death to let anyone see inside my heart. I am passionately seeking a life of comfort and stability, yet lost in a world that seeks to take that away. I am not into games and my deepest fear is trust. I believe we live to chase love and when we find it, we run.

We are no different than those Israelites who came back from exploring the Promise Land (Numbers 13). The fear they experienced overshadowed the beauty of God’s promise to them. Too often, that becomes our story. We loose sight of God’s promises to take care of us and provide for us. The hope we once experienced becomes obsolete and seems diminutive compared to the fear staring us in the face. Often, it is during these times we lack the maturity to take that step of faith and trust in His promises. “The Lord has promised good to me/His word my hope secures/
He will my shield and portion be/As long as life endures.”

I would love to hear some of your thoughts on your own hopes and fears...

Jyndia

Ok.. so I am not a writer by any means. I hate spell check and I don't follow the proper spelling rules I am sure. I write like I talk and this is what I would like this page to be like.

I created this blog to be a place where people can put on paper their thoughts about life and their journey.

This is a blank page. For you to spew life on, to rant about a new found truth in life, to express frustration at the hand you have currently been dealt and know that there are others out there who experience the same. This is a place to find community in questioning and sharing the ups and downs of this journey we call life.