So I have recently entered this stage of really wanting to know who I am. This is in such a different scense than it has been over the past couple years. When I was 21 and 22 I was trying to find out what I stood for. What I really believed in and who I was as a person. Now I am in the hunt for who I am historically.
I am in this time where I am wanting and needing some seperation from my parents. (I feel like we are stuck in a parent-child relationship and need some space). I recently found out that I am mostly German and Scotish with a little Irish. I asked my parents what they knew about our history and they didn't have much to say. This irked me becuase I want to know about my family tree. Who I am is so much more than a child of my parents. There is history and life that got me to where I am today. I began thinking and wondering why i am questioning so much. Here is what I think.. I feel like there is some cool story in my past. Someone who did something awesome with their life. I want to know that I am a decandent from them. I want a new role model. I feel like my parents have always been the people who I have wanted to be like. Of course off and on but it always came back to them. Don't get me wrong they are great people I just don't think I want what they want. I feel like I need to take some other role models out for a spin and see how it feels :o) I have seen so many "Happy housewifes" in my family. I feel like I am different because even though a side of me wants some of that, that is not who I am..... I am not the housewife my Mom is or my Aunt is.
This questioning takes me onto another larger question. Who is God to me? My Father, Lover, Brother, Friend, King??? There are so many names and possibilities but all of these names conjure up different character traits. the worst part about this question is I get the sense that the answer is "YES". All of these things. My brain can't wrap around this because on earth this is not possible. Someone can't or shouldn't be my father, love, brother, friend and king...
Welp..thats all for now.
Jenn
Jenn,
ReplyDeleteI really like your thoughts! I spent all day Saturday at Oktoberfest in Denver and it really made me think... where did I come from? I know I am German among other things, but what are the stories of those that came before us? When I lived in NY we went to Ellis Island and I always wished I could trace back my family through the record books. But, I dont know the names of possible relatives... Maybe that is where my interest in history comes from?
I hope you keep seeking the answers to your questions! I know some times these questions have painful answers, but I know the quest and the journey are well worth it. I love you lots babe! Keep searching!